Hey…oh…um…hi…ah-you again? hey…bye!

This guy sits a few rows away from you, and by the powers of some awesome deity, you happen to jump on the elevator with him first thing in the morning, so you both smile and say hello. You get off the elevator and go your separate ways. After battling your way through the cliched ‘AM Office Banter’ (I’m tired/I enjoy coffee with nutmeg in it/I’m giving 5 hour energy a go/It’s cold outside), you start to walk by this guy EVERY TIME you leave your desk. And it’s not like you can avoid him either… it’s you, him, and one looong empty hallway. What are you gonna do? Look at your watch for 35 seconds? (That’s if you’re lucky enough to be wearing one… note: always wear one). The first time it happens, you say, fine, I’ll make eye contact and do the classic ‘Hey/chuckle.’ For those who dont know, a ‘hey/chuckle’ is a small laugh sloppily mushed together with a combination of the words hi/hello/hey/howdy (use that last one sparingly).

Then you see him AGAIN a mere 5 minutes later, most likely on your way back from the previous sighting. You retreat to the fisherman’s headnod and what I like to call “the no teeth/lips curled smile.” Which is when you simply curl your lips at both ends and shift your eyes to the point where you feel so awkward that you might as well be naked. If you’re me, it’s accompanied with a ‘wow-i’m-pretending-to-be-pleasantly-surprised-that-it’s-really-you-again’ eyebrow-raise and if you’re gutsy, you may throw something in like “Ha, same schedule today huh?” Chances are the guy (or girl) will love it.

Finally… it’s 3:30 pm… you’re an hour and a half away from leaving and you are in an all-out WAR with a full-on food coma. As you bumble around the office, simply trying to pump some blood into your veins… you see him. And if you’re me, you say… you know what, SCREW this, I’m going to just turn my head 90 degrees to the right for the entire time I’m in this guy’s field of vision.

The funny thing is…when you jump on the elevator again the next day…and he’s there… he’ll be waiting with a full smile. You’ll say good morning to one another, and it’s as if nothing ever happened. It’s like you both know everything you were doing and it just doesnt matter; who knows, maybe today he’ll be the one to look away from you.

 

Oh hey Barack, nice to walk by you for the THIRD time today...

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You know…I didnt really get that OR find it remotely entertaining.

Sometimes when I’m on a call with a bunch of people and someone makes a joke that I don’t understand/find funny and everyone busts out laughing, I often think to myself….”Oh,  well I’m glad you guys are having a good time.”

But then there are other times, where I’ve got my headphones in for that same call and my line is muted. In these situations, I wait until the communal roar hits its peak, quickly hit ‘unmute’ and belt out a quick, sharp, and borderline obnoxious ‘HA!’ and then I quickly hit mute again.

She just hit 'un-mute'.